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~hillanbutt

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About Me Member Science Fiction Writer hillanbutt20/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 5 Years
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crytoday was beautiful  the sky was blue  one of those skys that makes you smile  today was beautiful  the breeze was cool  one of those winds keeps you there for a while   
and i kept swingin  and i kept thinkin  i'll ruin this postcard picture if i cry  and i kept wishin  if things were different  id sit here swingin  swing the rest of my life   
you just have to make me cry  can't leave bad enough alone.  you aren't done makin me cry  i'm tryin to get goin on my own  its hard to look you in the eyes  
and say "im walking out of your life"   cry
by ~hillanbutt
empty graveI visit like a grave even though you’ve yet to die.  I bet you’d be surprised to know that you still make me smile.  I never said I hate you because it aint ever true.  I never said I wouldn’t leave and you never said we’re through.  Life is funny, don’t you think? Through all this I still believe  The best part of my life is the parts left only in my dreams.  I search for happiness in the bowl of nothing as I eat.  Ending up in the very same moment when I last forgot to breath.  I have no regrets, and never will, life is what you make it.  What would you say if I told you, it’s a secret, but I alw empty grave
by ~hillanbutt
not so empty sidewalki feel like im running from my demons.  a head turns, i spead up, get ahead for a few  terrified of what i could lose   
my plan is to just walk away.  
i don't need that in my life.  but so much has been invested in this play  my heart is already his wife.   
my prayers are now selfish, not just for good  but for my demons to leave and never return.  please let life go on without being afraid  without my demons around every turn.   
like the shadow that doesnt run from the sun  like the roach that doesnt scatter from light  the fact that they're there doesn't dar not so empty sidewalk
by ~hillanbutt
feet become rough from travelthe heart that stays open in the midst of a raid  the door that is chosen when choices are made  the tree that stays standing when the harsh wind does blow  these things are all reasons we all have to grow   
tell the child, "I love you," and then pinch them in the arm  and still they go to hug you like love doesn't harm  teach them the lesson we should learn in younger years  you can save what youll lose if you hold onto your fears   
chose now your choices becasue you have nothing left  stay at the window, let it hold onto your breath  you can't go back now and start once again &nb feet become rough from travel
by ~hillanbutt
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It's been a while.

Sun Aug 3, 2008, 10:24 PM
Its been a while since I've been here. Its been a while since I've written. You can safely say I was the cliche depressed kid writing what hurt me because I couldn't say it to their faces. I don't know what that says about me. There are still people who's faces I can't face.

A lot has changed in my life in the past six months. I'm married and I live in California. But most importantly, for the first time in as long as I can remember I am truly happy. My husband has breathed new life into me. Our life is not easy by any means, but it is amazing! Its such a different perspective I have now.

I go back and read the things I've written.. I was such a different person. So young and nieve..focused on so many things that weren't nearly as important as I thought they were. I'm glad I have these though. I am able to appreciate everything I have, even on the rough days because of how unhappy I've been.

So I guess I just wanted to leave a few words about how my life has changed. How I've managed to completely walk away from the negitive influences and situations and open myself up to such amazing possibilities. I am so in love with life.

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  • Listening to: Taylor Swift
  • Reading: Agatha Christy

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  • Current Residence: Central Cali

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~imisshim:iconimisshim: Dec 2, 2004, 4:52:34 PM
i just found your gallery...and realized that your only favorite is from my gallery. then i realized. that was j/c's poem.
hahaha

--
"the weight of my decisions were just impossible to hold..." --Taking Back Sunday
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~hillanbutt:iconhillanbutt: Mar 11, 2005, 5:46:06 AM
hehe . . . yeah . . . I like that one . . . *sniff*
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~emo-t:iconemo-t: Aug 2, 2004, 11:42:49 AM
i really like your poetry... so i'm gonna put you on dev. watch ;D
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~hillanbutt:iconhillanbutt: Aug 2, 2004, 12:31:43 PM
*feels special* :D
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~36lindseyfists:icon36lindseyfists: Aug 2, 2004, 9:56:51 AM
ive read some of your work and its really beautiful, i haven't had a chance to look at them all but im sure ill enjoy doing it, xjoshx

--
Masquerade and revel in your opulence.
Writhe unfettered by your stabs at ignorance.
Swim through hues and whispered tones of heresy,
A dozen strokes to run your blood cold enough to believe
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