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:iconhillanbutt:

~hillanbutt

Hillary
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About Me Member Science Fiction Writer hillanbuttFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 7 Years
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my mouth waters . . .

my mouth waters . . .

:iconhillanbutt:

I died agian tonight
I've lost my appetite
food or drink
not what I need
things I want
they make me bleed
no not make I'll offer it
I just want to be in this
I go through night after night of pain
you'd think I'd learn something about this game
figure out how an advantage I could gain
but I want things too bad
so much I am wishing I had
it's not fair I know to the rest of me
so much attention I give to these fleshful things
if someone could just destroy my heart
peice by peice take it apart
then make my whole being new agian
maybe that's when I could begin
for no longer do the necessities call my name
but what I want
so desperately want
it takes all the fame
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my mouth waters . . . July 26 1 comment No favourites

Newest Deviations

cry today was beautiful
the sky was blue
one of those skys that makes you smile
today was beautiful
the breeze was cool
one of those winds keeps you there for a while

and i kept swingin
and i kept thinkin
i'll ruin this postcard picture if i cry
and i kept wishin
if things were different
id sit here swingin
swing the rest of my life

you just have to make me cry
can't leave bad enough alone.
you aren't done makin me cry
i'm tryin to get goin on my own
its hard to look you in the eyes
and say "im walking out of your life"
but you aren't leadin me any other way
if you're gonna keep makin me cry now
please make me cry while cry by ~hillanbutt
empty grave I visit like a grave even though you've yet to die.
I bet you'd be surprised to know that you still make me smile.
I never said I hate you because it aint ever true.
I never said I wouldn't leave and you never said we're through.
Life is funny, don't you think? Through all this I still believe
The best part of my life is the parts left only in my dreams.
I search for happiness in the bowl of nothing as I eat.
Ending up in the very same moment when I last forgot to breath.
I have no regrets, and never will, life is what you make it.
What would you say if I told you, it's a secret, but I always faked it.
I'd love to have just one moreempty grave by ~hillanbutt
not so empty sidewalk i feel like im running from my demons.
a head turns, i spead up, get ahead for a few
terrified of what i could lose

my plan is to just walk away.
i don't need that in my life.
but so much has been invested in this play
my heart is already his wife.

my prayers are now selfish, not just for good
but for my demons to leave and never return.
please let life go on without being afraid
without my demons around every turn.

like the shadow that doesnt run from the sun
like the roach that doesnt scatter from light
the fact that they're there doesn't dare leave my mind
tho i can say i put up {with} a fight

the joy i find in my lnot so empty sidewalk by ~hillanbutt
feet become rough from travel the heart that stays open in the midst of a raid
the door that is chosen when choices are made
the tree that stays standing when the harsh wind does blow
these things are all reasons we all have to grow

tell the child, "I love you," and then pinch them in the arm
and still they go to hug you like love doesn't harm
teach them the lesson we should learn in younger years
you can save what youll lose if you hold onto your fears

chose now your choices becasue you have nothing left
stay at the window, let it hold onto your breath
you can't go back now and start once again
you've lost all you never had and you lost in the end

the tfeet become rough from travel by ~hillanbutt
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It's been a while.

:iconhillanbutt:

Its been a while since I've been here.  Its been a while since I've written.  You can safely say I was the cliche depressed kid writing what hurt me because I couldn't say it to their faces.  I don't know what that says about me.  There are still people who's faces I can't face.

A lot has changed in my life in the past six months.  I'm married and I live in California.  But most importantly, for the first time in as long as I can remember I am truly happy. My husband has breathed new life into me.  Our life is not easy by any means, but it is amazing! Its such a different perspective I have now.  

I go back and read the things I've written.. I was such a different person. So young and nieve..focused on so many things that weren't nearly as important as I thought they were.  I'm glad I have these though.  I am able to appreciate everything I have, even on the rough days because of how unhappy I've been.  

So I guess I just wanted to leave a few words about how my life has changed.  How I've managed to completely walk away from the negitive influences and situations and open myself up to such amazing possibilities.  I am so in love with life.
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